Ask Dr Lena Li

Wow, it sounds like you’ve been through quite an emotional rollercoaster with this situation, and I really feel for you. Navigating those mixed signals and unspoken feelings can be so confusing, especially when you’ve got years of closeness and those flirty moments that felt so real. It sounds like you and this friend in Shanghai have something spe…[Read more]

Thank you Doc! Evening of same day she’s been uncharacteristically all over the place on WeChat, flirting on running groups, posting moments about old running routes… Coping or baiting me I don’t know. Anyway, I was hesitating between silence, carrying on like you suggest, and sending a “good bye thanks for the memories” message showing that…[Read more]

Wow, it sounds like what you have with her is incredibly special. A 15-year bond like that, filled with shared experiences and emotional intimacy, doesn’t come around often. And the fact that you’re still so close despite the distance speaks volumes.

But I totally get your hesitation. Risking a deep friendship is scary. That said, staying s…[Read more]

Dr Li, this is super helpful. I have been hesitant because I dont want to lose her. Being in this mode is not what I want but better than not having her in my life. Small step it is. Wish me luck!

Interesting question. In China, when a woman says “we’re good friends,” it generally means she considers you an acquaintance or a friendly person, but it doesn’t typically imply romantic interest or a desire for closeness beyond friendship. It certainly doesn’t usually mean “leave me alone.” However, context and tone matter a lot if she…[Read more]

It does, thank you! My western brain sometimes has trouble with the ambiguity and subtlety of Chinese communication, especially for relationships. In that instance I may have been too pessimistic.

Winning someone’s heart isn’t about following a guaranteed formula. But rather, it is about fostering genuine mutual chemistry and compatibility. I appreciate authenticity, respect, and shared values. It’s important to focus on building a sincere connection rather than viewing me as an object to be “won.” If I happen not to be interested, I…[Read more]

So I guess, at the end of the day, winning the heart of a sexy model is the same as any girl with self respect really.