Seoul.Music posted an update in the group
Ask Dr Lena Li 10 months ago · updated 10 months ago · I have a detailed account of what happened but it’s too long. The short version is that this Chinese woman and me, in Shanghai, have been close friends for years, with flirting and events that show beyond doubt that there’s more than friendship between us. After a period of special warmth and closeness she says ”Come travel with me” and later backs off and becomes cold and distant.
Today I tell her that we should talk to be able to move forward. She asks me to be direct. So I make explicit what I’ve been hinting at before: my feelings for her go beyond friendship, I believe that it’s the same for her, I want us to work on the issues. Her reply: “I’ve always considered you just a good friend and running partner, nothing more” with coffee and joyful emojis.
I know that’s not the truth, but what can I do? I say “Thank you for your honesty. I should apologize, I misunderstood the situation. But I don’t regret expressing my feelings. I hope we can still be friends.” with coffee and joyful emojis. To which she replies “Of course” with coffee and joyful emojis.
Does she know that my apology is as fake as her ‘just friends’ framing?
Does she know that I know that she knows the truth?
Even the small moments and running were meaningful to me, what can I do to keep our friendship real?
Is there anything I can tell her to make her reconsider without me or her losing face or should I just be silent?Thanks!
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Dr. Lee
Romanticwarrior
Asian_Fap_Box
Dr Lena Li
Wow, it sounds like you’ve been through quite an emotional rollercoaster with this situation, and I really feel for you. Navigating those mixed signals and unspoken feelings can be so confusing, especially when you’ve got years of closeness and those flirty moments that felt so real. It sounds like you and this friend in Shanghai have something special, even if she’s pulling back now with that “just friends” line and those coffee emojis. Honestly, she might suspect your apology wasn’t fully sincere, just like you’re picking up on her response not feeling 100% true. The emojis and light tone could be her way of keeping things easy and saving face, especially in a culture where direct emotional talks can feel intense. To keep the friendship real, just keep being your warm, genuine self—hit her up for runs or coffee like usual, but give her some space to process without pushing the romantic angle. You’ve already been brave by sharing your feelings, so for now, I’d hold off on saying more about it. Pressing her to reconsider might make her retreat further, but staying kind and connected leaves the door open. If she warms up again, you could say something light like, “I always love our time together—it’s the best part of my week,” to remind her of your bond without pressure. Hang in there, and if you want to chat more, I’m here!
Thank you Doc! Evening of same day she’s been uncharacteristically all over the place on WeChat, flirting on running groups, posting moments about old running routes… Coping or baiting me I don’t know. Anyway, I was hesitating between silence, carrying on like you suggest, and sending a ”good bye thanks for the memories” message showing that these memories were more than ’just friends’ but I will try to follow your advice even if it feels a bit like losing face. Very helpful, thanks for the kind reply!